


the heaviness that i hold in my heart belongs to gravity

by emptyswimmingpools



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Introspection, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Potentially Canon Compliant, Stars, mentions of Blue/Adam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-25 23:29:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7551331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptyswimmingpools/pseuds/emptyswimmingpools
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronan Lynch looked at Adam Parrish like he'd hung all the stars in the sky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the heaviness that i hold in my heart belongs to gravity

Ronan Lynch looked at Adam Parrish like he'd hung all the stars in the sky—and in his dreams, the secret ones he vowed to never acknowledge out of shame, he had: one by one with a delicate sort of intricacy, touch soft. He stared with wonder, gaze melting and ever persistent, hoping no one would catch onto his odd fascination with the broken boy. Sometimes when he'd look up at the sky from the Barns, Ronan would wish that Adam wasn't so intangible. Distant but ever close in his group. He wished the stars would show mercy.

Fate often worked in the oddest of ways; an invisible and unchangeable force manipulating its victims and reeling them in closer like a magnet might attract its counterpart. Ronan was drawn to Adam like he was a neon sign, flashing with the words, "Look at me!" He was impossible to ignore (and not just because of Gansey), so he decided he wouldn't like him instead, because it made things seem easier to project his own self-loathing onto somebody else. (Of course, he never hated Adam. Fate was stubborn in that way, but Ronan was determined not to cooperate.)

He swallowed the feeling of discomfort that spawned unwillingly from the sight of Blue and Adam. It left a bitter aftertaste on his tongue that he desperately attempted to ignore, perhaps washing it down with a drink or two. He made sure to thicken the layers of bravado he hid behind so helplessly like it was a costume, except every day was Halloween. He buried himself in distractions (namely, Kavinsky) to ignore the pang in his chest that sometimes felt an awful lot like someone'd kicked the air out of his lungs. When they ended, Ronan tried hard not to feel relief, but he did anyway.

The world kept on turning in despite of Ronan's yearning attempts for it to stop for a moment, give him a break, let him breathe. He was soaked up to his waist in a river full of regrets and guilt that seemed to be filling up by the minute. His dreams were much worse, haunting him even by day sometimes, as if he was a hopeless prey in a chase of nightmares. Adam felt further away than ever, oddly enough, as they seemed to be growing closer. But their newfound friendship was just another constant reminder that Adam would never love Ronan in the way he did.

When Ronan first slept over at Adam's, the planets seemed to align and the sky had sung. He lied awake in the makeshift bed afraid he'd materialise something evil from his dreams and ruin nature's pleasant course and trigger a whirlwind of chaos, wondering if this was all a mistake and he should make a discreet exit while Adam was possessed by sound asleep, oblivious. But he stayed. Selfishly, for a chance to feel close to Adam just for once, he stayed, wondering why the universe was so fucking against him.

As soon as Ronan had the thought that he might just have a chance with Adam, he locked it away in an instant and threw the key away. He had himself convinced that he was seeing things, imagining the lingering, soft glances Adam would give him every so often—particularly when they were alone together. That they were a desperate product from his own fantasies: a dream that wasn't a reality for once. He still wished the stars would cut him some slack in this pathetic game of pining, but Ronan was never one to get his hopes up.

Ronan dreamt of tan hands against his skin, the gentle touch of reassurance making him feel at ease. He dreamt the things that couldn't be, like the soft press of lips and messed-up hair and the sort of intimacy that made his heart ache and his head spin. He dreamt that Adam felt the way he did, that he felt the same nervous butterflies gather inconveniently in his abdomen in the other's presence.

The world stilled when Ronan finally built up the courage to kiss Adam—the birds stopped chirping and the breeze stopped blowing—but only for a moment. It was all hesitance and spontaneity and Ronan deconstructing Adam's movements to be sure he wasn't entirely appalled; to his surprise, Adam kissed back with just as much passion, tender but forceful, starving for more. Relief flooded through Ronan's veins as he pulled back and Adam kissed him once more, just like he'd done in the locked up dreams. Somehow, everything seemed okay: the stars were on his side, and they glowed loyally in the dark of the night.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I wrote this. Come talk to me on [Tumblr](http://albertorosedne.tumblr.com), if you'd like. Title from '[Pluto](https://youtu.be/4iflslc-D38)' by Sleeping At Last.


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